And sees what is right in front of her. Having been hit by a metaphorical freight train, I am now riding said locomotive toward Happytown. I am currently passing through TeenageGiggleVille, and am sure to soon stop at a station also known as OhMyGodHesTheBestIEverHad.
I'm suffering a bit of writers block at the moment. My whole world has shifted - again - but it's good. It makes perfect sense and feels totally natural. I am reading the signs and happily accepting what feels like fate. I believe some things were meant to be.
I wanted to date. SATC style. Being well aware that it is fiction, but also grateful for the fact it contributed to an 'anything goes' culture surrounding sex and, more importantly, sharing intimate and personal details with your girlfriends, I am not naive enough to assume that it is as glossy and fabulous as depicted.
What I found was utter exhaustion, frustration and irritation. How many idiots....blah blah bullshit. I'm done. Subscription cancelled, photos taken down. That little experiment is OVAH.
It has done me some good though. It made me realise exactly what I want. And more importantly, WHO I want. Armadillo.
He is my straight male friend. The man from whom I have no secrets. The man I feel utterly comfortable around. the man who reads and comments on my writing. The man who helped to pull my head out my arse as regards men recently. The man who utterly understands why my head was in my arse in the first place.
Whatever happens between us, he has made me realise that I can feel again. Whether it lasts a day or a decade, I have never smiled - or been so aroused in every way - so much in my existence.
I can handle the distance. With Skype it's not a problem. And it has the added bonus of meaning that we focus on our feelings, not shagging like rabbits and then trying to work out what it all means the morning after. Plus we can have our own separate lives with the best bits intermingling, and our own space, until we want to intertwine them even further.
Because when it feels this right, this good, why deny it. I'm happy. And when he can handle all my flaws issues and bullshit and not run a mile, I know how special he truly is.
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