I've not written much on here lately. Stupid O2 have decided I need to verify my age - and pay for the privilege (because having a contract doesnt matter?!) Apparently this blog is an 'adult' site, and porn sites are not. Interesting. Especially given that my 'love life' has felt more teenage than anything else the last few weeks. I use the quotation marks as there has been little in the way of love in there, just passion pressure paranoia and pleasure. And a bit of frustration, irritation and time wasting. And a LOT of trains... Anywho, suffice to say that my usual commuter ramblings are not being posted with quite such frequency. Or perhaps its because it seems to change in the space of a day....
It's just occurred to me that I don't write about homosexual relationships. This is not because I am against them, but because I have never been in one. So I wouldn't presume to know what I'm talking about. All I know is that all relationships, whether sexual, familial, platonic or other need to be based on respect and honesty.
I think I am too honest for English men. Or maybe most men in general. My straight single male friend has told me about Swedish men, how a lot of them go for Asian girls as they are meeker and more subservient than 'ethnic Swedes', who demand equality and respect. Or maybe its just men in general internationally..... what a world.
But I am me, and I want to know that if they get me at my best, and deserve to have time and effort spent on them, I will be able to actually trust them and see something develop. So yes I want to see them regularly, not just bloody text, and I want to see if there is momentum to it. Or I'll bin it. But unfortunately, the story seems to be boy chases girl, wary girl starts to open up, guy makes the moves and puts the effort in, girl starts to fall, guy gets what he wants and loses interest. Sounds somewhat calculating and arbitrary, but there is some truth in it. Look at Scream and 'the rules' - "you gave it up, you're no longer a virgin, now you gotta die, those are the rules". Switch 'die' for 'get dumped' and you get the idea.
But why is the onus ALWAYS on women?! It's so fucking unfair. How about guys get taught, yes lads women have desires and hormones too, yes they do need to feel respected, and if you go to bed with her you do need to call her the next day. Or yes she will think you're a cunt. And yes some of them WILL tell you that rather than waiting around looking at her phone with bloodshot eyes.
Maybe it's not always planned. But let's stop pretending the world is equal, and men respect women. Maybe the odd one does, but they are bloody hard to find. I think about me, and try to tweak my behaviour. Not change for a guy, but consider if I'm making mistakes, eg making out with them too soon. But I am a passionate person, and I refuse to have to repress any aspect of my personality. And why pretend to be something I'm not, when they will discover my true nature down the line anyway, and end it for me being a fake? I don't do fake. I detest liars, dishonesty, falsity and shallowness.
So I guess it's back on the merrygoround for me, and we'll see if any of the next batch turn out alright....
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