Missing, presumed lost - Orgasm

The problem with having great sex is that you miss it when it's gone. I've had some mind-blowing orgasms this year, and it's seriously impacting my ability to pleasure myself. Self-administered orgasms are now empty, shallow, pitifully inadequate, whimperingly feeble moments of stress release.

I keep waking up to find myself grinding my hips into the mattress. It's quite annoying. It started when the armadillo and I were getting together, and I was dreaming about him.  I'd never done it before, and found it both amusing and frustrating.  When he went away (for lack of a better euphemism) it stopped.  But it's started again, since McShy and I started hanging out and kissing. 

I was at work last week, listening to an incredibly inspiring and moving story. It really touched me and made me feel glad to work where I do. But.... As much as I was concentrating on that, I couldn't stop fantasies of McShy popping into my head. I guess it was because I was so tired that I couldn't control my thoughts. They were so vivid, so real, almost like fuckflashbacks - except I haven't seen him naked yet. And the things we were doing..... Oooooh. Seriously kinky bondage. In which he had full control and played my body like Hendrix. Stuff I have never done before. I've fantasised about it, but never like this.

I need to get laid. Really badly! But I'm holding back with McShy. Lack of opportunity is a hindrance, but also a blessing. I don't want to jump into bed with him too quickly and get hurt.  Been there, done that, don't have the energy to go through it again.  He understands, which is amazing. But I don't trust myself around him, and I know if there were opportunity I couldn't, wouldn't want to, stop.  When we kiss, time stops. I know that's a bollocks cliche, but it's how it feels. We pull apart and 5 minutes will have passed on the watch, but it doesn't seem like even 30 seconds.  I dont know what will happen between us. Right now I have absolutely no idea. I know I enjoy spending time with him. I know I miss him not being at the office anymore. I'm glad he's gone in a way, because it's heating up to the point of eruption.

I just want him, a locked hotel room, a tub of ice cream and an assortment of handcuffs and sex toys for 48 hours straight. That should satisfy my craving. If not, well I guess I'm screwed. But at least I'll have come properly.  Though that in itself may stoke my libido even higher....