Pondered pontifications

There are things we know we want. We get them, and they are even better than we could have imagined. 

There are things we consider wanting, then dismiss, and don't consider again. 

There are things we didn't want, and get, and you can't help but wonder how you could have convinced yourself you never wanted it. 

Then there are the things you know you don't want. You have always known you didn't want, and those around you accept your choice. But a  tiny part of you can't help but wonder how it would feel to have that which you had always known you didn't want. Except.... You know that to try it, and to fuck it up, would be even more of a spectacular mistake than spending time wondering. 

When planning for the year, department heads must take into account unforeseeable events and hits from way out in the blue-left field. When considering your personal life, it is unwise to plan too much as life tends to throw major things in the way. It makes sense to have a rough idea, an outline plan, rather than wasting time. But how much do you put your heart on your sleeve trying to achieve what you want? I'm not the type to lie back and wait for what I want to fall out the sky. But I'm not going to throw my soul into the blender. I know what I want and I will achieve it, obtain it, and be fucking fabulous while I do. But...... what if I fail?  Or I get betrayed again?